... Thought about Possums

DISCLAIMER: "Possum" is a euphemism for a specific part of a woman's anatomy that I stole from Michi Girl (http://michigirl.com.au/newsletter/melbourne/2226/comfort-zones/). Ye who feel generally prudish or uncomfortable with talk of the privates I have two things to say:(a) I have no idea why we would be friends. But more importantly (b) Turn back here or enter at ye own peril...

So my daily dose of Michi Girl came into my inbox in late January with a cute little turn of phrase I hadn't yet come across, that involved Michi stating that all the dresses she tried on "came right up to possum". Now this tickled my fancy no end. Having never heard this before, and long been a believer of getting the vagina talk right out in public, I was delighted to find a euphemism that seemed so friendly, so PG rated and so damn cute for this part of the female anatomy. I don't have a problem with saying "vagina"(obviously, as I've already used the word three times in one paragraph) or even talking about "My Vagina" (four times now) but the truth of it is that it's a cumbersome, boorish sort of word. Not at all fun to say like "dither" or "speckle". It's more along the lines of "fungicide" and "quarterly projection".

I also took joy in the idea of "possum" because I suddenly thought of all the possibilities of how it could be used in general conversations where one would have to otherwise do that twee thing of lowering the voice, like in a stage whisper, to deliver a line like "I've got thrush" (*the audience gasps*); or inserting mime into otherwise performance-free adult conversations e.g. Girl 1: "What's wrong? You don't look well today?" Girl 2: *contorts face into a grimace, widens eyes and looks down while making small, rapid pointing movements to the ovaries*.

For me, I would lower my voice or mime in these situations not because I'm embarrassed that my body is functioning in a female specific way, but more that the language I have been given to talk about it is crass, or laden with sexual innuendo, or overly formal/ medical, or simply viewed as not appropriate to use in a public setting with your "outside voice" on.

If we adopt the Possum Principal, on the other hand, the possibilities suddenly become endless: "possum's not well today" (I have a UTI and/or thrush), "possum's a bit itchy" (used when in the chemist trying to buy Canesten), "possum's behaving strangely" (my period is weird), "possum's late" (shit, I need to go get a pregnancy test), "possum's been cranky all week" (bad period), "possum needs a haircut" (time to book a wax), "possum's lonely" (I'm pretty sure you know what I'm implying with that one), "did you see that picture of her with her possum out?" (for any discussion concerning issues of New Weekly circa 2006 featuring Paris Hilton or Britney Spears).

I think any move we can make to allow people to talk openly about possum in public is positive. Unless of course that person is Tony Abbott. He should definitely be playing possum (on ANY issue to do with women) rather than talking about them.

Power to the Possum, people.